


A Bit Off

by TheStoryFiend



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack Fic, Friendship, fem!doctor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStoryFiend/pseuds/TheStoryFiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new Doctor is a bit... different from what Clara was expecting. (Just a little crack fic I wrote to entertain myself. Enjoy!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regeneration

The sudden flash of regeneration energy threw Clara back. The afterimage of the Doctor blazing with golden light clouding her vision for a few seconds, Clara strained to see the new Doctor. When her eyes finally adjusted, she could only gasp in shock.

There, leaning slumped against the TARDIS controls, was a young woman who looked to be near Clara’s own age. Her hair was a shoulder-length mop of brown curls with honey-blonde streaks, and she had the biggest green eyes imaginable. Her dark lashes made her pale skin look even paler. The more Clara looked, the more she was sure some mistake had been made. The strange girl blinked at Clara in shock.

“Goodness! I’ve never had such a quick regeneration in my life!” she exclaimed, then gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth. Her wide green eyes went even wider.

“My voice is all wrong,” she whispered. A lock of her hair fell forward, and the Doctor, eyes growing ever wider, pulled it forward to investigate.

“Oh, no,” she groaned, letting go of her curl to investigate the rest of her radically different body. “Oh, no.”

Clara was sure by this point that if the Doctor’s eyes got any wider, they would fall out of her very feminine head entirely.

“Something’s gone very wrong, Clara,” the new Doctor said. Clara could only nod in dumb silence.

The Doctor tugged agitatedly on her chocolaty curls.

“I’m still not ginger!” **  
**


	2. Discussion

Clara blinked, taken aback.

“Hair color? That’s what you’re concerned about?” she asked incredulously. “Not the fact that you’ve changed genders completely?”

The Doctor waved a hand airily.

“That’s a secondary concern, dear,” she said. “It happens sometimes. In fact, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before. Y’see, my DNA rewrites itself every time I regenerate and uses the nearest living organism’s DNA as a pattern. I travel a lot with human females.” She raised her hands against Clara’s look. “You have better tempers,” she explained. “Anyways, I got this regeneration straight from Gallifrey, remember? Maybe it came from a Time Lady.”

Clara was still struggling to comprehend the Doctor’s sudden sex change. She cast her mind back to the genetics section of biology class.

“But… there’s a big difference between an X and Y chromosome combination and two X chromosomes,” she said.

The Doctor sighed. “It’s a bunch of wibbley-wobbley, sciencey-wiencey stuff that would take ages to explain and would go over your head anyways. The point is, it’s all made up of adenine and thymine and cytosine and guanine. Just different configurations.” She shook her finger at Clara. “Don’t go around trying to apply your species’ biological guidelines to others. And anyways, human geneticists aren’t anywhere near right yet.

“Setting genetics aside entirely, dear, there’s an even bigger issue here,” she continued, hands on her hips.

Clara shook her head, not understanding.

“We aren’t crashing!” the Doctor exclaimed, spreading her arms out and gesturing at the undeniably stable TARDIS they were standing in. “Normally, each time I regenerate, the TARDIS starts to go bloody bonkers on me. I’m usually surprised by it, too, but men are thick like that, aren’t they.” She blinked, taken aback by her own statement. “Good heavens. This will take some getting used to.”

Clara privately agreed wholeheartedly, but was soon distracted from thoughts of gender-fluidity and Time Lords by an odd sound coming from the engines.

“What is that?” she asked, frowning.

“Oh, no, no, NO!” the Doctor shouted at the machine. “One bloody time, that’s all I ask! One bloody peaceful regeneration! And now you decide to throw a hissy fit and retroactively crash? I _knew_ it was you, I _knew_ this was your form of protesting against my new face, as if I could help my regenerations! That’s it, I am going back to Gallifrey and getting a new one! And don’t you even go and tell me that it’s not possible because _I will find a way_!”

The TARDIS started to jerk, rumble, and roll. Clara and the Doctor latched onto the rails surrounding the control panel.

“What’s happening?” Clara shouted over the noise.

“Use your powers of observation!” the Doctor snapped. “We’re crashing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, okay, it's been a while since I've worked on this (and actually I've had the material for this update for a while, so shame on my for not loading it sooner), but I think the wait was worth it, how about you?

**Author's Note:**

> Oooo, that was fun! I originally intended this to be just a quick little thing, but I'm going to add more chapters.


End file.
